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fatherslove) wrote2013-11-04 10:43 pm
fatherslove) wrote2013-11-04 10:43 pm
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He had found someone.
Or rather, he had found two someones, and he hadn't called for an appointment yet, but he had almost made up his mind to do it. He had done what he considered due diligence, had researched both names online, had found testimonials and reviews and credentials. He had thought about it for hours. He had paced and thought some more.
He was terrified. That was the fact of the matter.
The other fact was that he was so tired of being terrified.
So he had almost made up his mind. But it wasn't quite done yet. There was one more person who should have some kind of say, who should at least know before he went ahead. One other person who had every reason to take a keen interest in the outcome.
With Eve curled up purring in his lap and his fingers working over her head and neck, he waited for Eleanor to come home.
Or rather, he had found two someones, and he hadn't called for an appointment yet, but he had almost made up his mind to do it. He had done what he considered due diligence, had researched both names online, had found testimonials and reviews and credentials. He had thought about it for hours. He had paced and thought some more.
He was terrified. That was the fact of the matter.
The other fact was that he was so tired of being terrified.
So he had almost made up his mind. But it wasn't quite done yet. There was one more person who should have some kind of say, who should at least know before he went ahead. One other person who had every reason to take a keen interest in the outcome.
With Eve curled up purring in his lap and his fingers working over her head and neck, he waited for Eleanor to come home.
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"Is there..." I take a breath, "What can I do to help?" I'm not sure this is wise, I don't really know what you hope it will accomplish, Father, but I won't make you do it alone. If you're certain to do this, I will support you and help where I can.
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"I don't think there's very much. Just... be patient with me. I don't know where this will take me. And don't be afraid." He reached up and stroked her hair back from her face. "I will never leave you."
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It isn't that I'm afraid you'll leave me, it's that you'll be taken. Again. I don't want to be that scared child anymore, watching you fade away from me like you did once before. It took us so long to get back together, I don't want to lose that again and these memories, what if the build walls between us. All I will ever be, all I have is my past in Rapture, our shared past, but you have something different and something deeper that no matter your promises now, could still take you away. If only by inches.
But if it is truly what you want, I will keep my fears to myself. I will do that for you, because I love you and you want this so badly. "I know, and I will never leave you. Never ever again." I wrap my arms around you, because I feel it's all I can do, but it feels like an ending. Like we're on a cliff, looking over the edge and you're about to fall. All I want to do is hold you close and keep you safe.
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And hadn't succeeded.
"I would not change it," he said softly. "Any of it. I would rather have gone through it all than never have met you."